Cinderella

New post, peeps!

Cinderella’s all the flavour of the season- or at least is a new movie that is in theatres at this moment in time. Watched it –  it isn’t the greatest movie magic wrought ever but the whole movie looks very nice, although the story isn’t as intense as the animation. The best scene in the movie – that twists up your emotions and makes you lean forward in your seat- is the spell breaking, the racing carriage turning back into pumpkin, furiously galloping horses turning into mice, and a fleeing before discovered Cinderelli thrown out of the pumpkin, now wearing the ripped up dress.

All the rest of the movie was pretty tame, and not even funny which is a big minus point. I don’t know if they thought too many scenes from the old movie (the king and the Duke arguing, the mice taking on Lucifer) were detracting from… what exactly? Dress and shoes time? But when you cut it, all you did was take all the drama and all the funny out, Mr.Kenneth Branagh. Well, I like how they thought out in detail how Cinderella ends up in the attic. They show the progression from loved only child to unwanted extra family member very realistically.

Still, I think danger, high excitement, and poignancy are notes you want to hit in a movie in quick yet sensible succession. Lucifer’s gonna eat Gus-Gus! Gus-Gus is rescued! Whew! Hahaha, the King and the Duke are arguing!!!! I love when they do that! Wooo look, somehow in ridiculous cartoon land they land on a chandelier (but it makes preeminent sense to a kid watching it, maybe  because it became what Bill Watterson liked to describe as “a visual metaphor”, it complemented the scene, and the energy, and the dialogue), Cinderella isn’t going to the ball?? Argh! Oh no, oh okay, she has a dress….. no they didn’t they can’t, they ripped it to shreds while it’s still on her? (Consider the savagery of such an action mes amis. It remains in the movie, but as watered down savagery.) And so into deep pathos as she’s in tears (and seriously wouldn’t you be if you discovered people liked you so little, and you apparently had so few rights of your own?). Cheerfulness! The fairy godmother!  Next: Romance! “So this love, la la la la” – high action! The carriage is chased! The slipper fits no one! She locks her in? This is indeed the face of pure evil. “May I try it on?!” Ohhhhhhh. She.Breaks.The.Slipper.?.?.?.? “But I have the other pair.” Oh my goodness, sweet relief. Wedding bells and more carriages.The End.

Cate Blanchett looks so interesting I would like to have seen a story that talked about her, not as a wicked step-mother necessarily,  but ,I think, as a trapped woman, a more fascinating Cinderella.

And say what you will, Cinderella was only rescued because the Prince married her. It may have been a splendid message to “have courage and be kind” but I don’t see how that was actually searingly depicted. I liked it okay, certainly didn’t mind it. Maybe the waist of the dress is too unrealistically small. But really that just shows you how little is going on in the movie if nothing else really gets your attention. Watch it, and then for good measure, counter it with some Shrek or Lilo and Stitch or Spirited Away or something.

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Review Scraplets

Watched Dracula Untold and it is pretty much the worst movie I have ever seen because I haven’t watched 2000 BC or Thor or Prince of Persia and I never really watched The Avengers through. I’ve never even really watched Iron Man properly until recently and it’s just better because it doesn’t have gaping plot holes (visible to me) and because it was driven by eccentric,lovable, and awesome instead of dull, and dark, and not scary.

Alright, Dracula Untold is not worse than 2011’s Red Riding Hood or 2009’s Jennifer’s Body. Although actually Megan Fox’s Jennifer was hella more scary than Charles Dance’s Master Vampire so score 1 point to the girl’s team. Yay.

Watching movies like Dracula Untold you’re reminded that although you may have an appetite for commercial flicks (MOAR, MOAR, MOAR!) you’re still always reminded of how silly they are every time you watch them. Just watch a popular action movie- all the stills from the movie, each shot chosen, all the dialogue assignment, is guided by a stupid little boy’s point of view. Pepper Potts’ legs have probably as much screen time as her face and possibly greater significance, every time they come gliding down Tony Stark’s staircase into the basement workshop. Also, although she’s smart enough to go looking for “ghost files” (what de hell? um is that just a “hidden file”, eh whatever) she doesn’t get to recognise an explosive device, and while everyone else in the scene gets to be smart, on the ball, and impassive, she needs to girlishly scrunch up her face and awkwardly flap around. It seems we have to choose between being Katniss and being a slight retard. My beef is this:could not an established Hollywood star wangle a better role?  Was not the august galaxy of talent that created The Ironman series capable of envisioning a consistently smart female role?

Similarly, in Dracula Untold , Mirena’s great moment of definite action comes when she has a curious desire to have her life sucked out right in the end, “Oh go on, I’m dying anyway.” “Well if you really don’t mind…gaaaaaah!!!!!!!”

Well it’s all to the good –  for the furtherance of masculine life anyway. It cheers me up to remember here that other internet squawkers noticed this plot hole and wonder why she couldn’t just drink Vlad’s blood and get cured. Most of the time she hovers around, angelic expression never giving way to anything except helpless wide eyed gaping or righteous indignation on behalf of her son, and husband. The movies are sometimes quite a dull place to be.

Watch Dracula Untold if you want a scary movie that isn’t scareifying.

Oh yeah, and amuse yourself with Tony Stark’s awesomeness anytime you like.

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